The Circle Beyond the Self - “Some people don’t just belong to a community – they create one”

Tapan often speaks about how the world is changing.

With the advent of technology and AI, people seem to have more time — but not necessarily more connection. And he often reflects on a simple yet powerful question:

What do we do with all this time if we are not connected?

He believes that when people begin to live in silos, the sense of isolation only deepens.

More than ever, he says, community is not a luxury. It is a necessity.

And then, there are people like Tapan — who don’t just say this, but live it.

I first noticed him as a fitness enthusiast — a runner. That’s what connected us initially. But very soon, I realized that his focus was never just on his own running.

It was on getting others to run.

He would actively look for events, speak to organizers to get registrations/discounts, collect bibs, distribute them, and most importantly — motivate people to show up. It wasn’t just participation he cared about. It was inclusion.

Whether it was festival gatherings or other community events, he shows up in the same way — bringing people together, coordinating, encouraging, and ensuring that no one felt left out.

I found myself wondering — how does one person do all of this so effortlessly?

And when I spoke to him, he simply says - he is an ordinary person.

But there is something deeply extraordinary about the way he sees the world.

He once described how our lives today often shrink into small circles — “we two, our two, our two BHK etc.” — where everything becomes limited to our own. And yet, he chooses to live far beyond that.

He traces this back to his childhood in a small village, where community was a way of life. People knew each other, supported each other, and his father was someone many looked up to for guidance and help.

That early imprint stayed with him.

And when he moved to the city, he didn’t leave it behind.

He brought it with him.

What stands out is that he offers support without expectation. He doesn’t measure what he receives from others. Instead, he reflects inward — Am I being fair? Am I doing what is right?

His anchor is not validation. It is intention.

He believes that when you are clear about your larger purpose - smaller issues, disagreements, or inconveniences don’t weigh you down. They simply don’t matter as much.

And yet, what touched me deeply was not just his actions, but his sensitivity.

He shared an incident where he felt irritated with a driver who kept honking. But when he later checked, he realised the man had just lost his sister.

That moment stayed with him.

Because it reminded him — we rarely know what someone else is going through, yet we are quick to judge.

Does he get taken for granted?

Sometimes, yes.

But that doesn’t stop him.

He makes peace with it by returning to his intention — the larger purpose that guides him.

During COVID, when many of us were focused on protecting ourselves and our families, he stepped out to serve others. He distributed food to many — and what struck me most was his thought:

“Food delivery boys were delivering food to us… but who was ensuring they had food?”

That is the lens he carries.

A way of seeing that extends beyond oneself.

He often says there is still so much to be done. No fixed goals. Just a willingness to show up, to support, to do what he can.

And just as he once modelled his father, he is now quietly showing the same path to his daughter.

What I find myself learning from him is not just what he does, but how he lives — to think beyond oneself, to act without expectation, and to quietly create spaces where people feel they belong.

He does not seek the spotlight.

He does not crave recognition.

He rarely stands on stage.

And yet, he is the light behind so much of what happens around him.

Some people build success.

Some build identity.

And some — like Tapan — build communities.

He reminds me that a meaningful life is not just about how we live for ourselves, but how far we are willing to extend ourselves for others.

What this is shaping in me

From Tapan, I am learning to live beyond myself — to expand my circle of concern and to include others in the way I think, act, and show up.

I notice this beginning to reflect in small but meaningful ways — reaching out more intentionally, creating spaces for people to come together, and paying attention to who might be left out or unheard. There is a shift from moving through life individually to holding a wider awareness of the people around me.

I also find myself questioning my intentions more often — asking not what I will receive, but whether what I am doing feels fair, meaningful, and aligned. There is a growing willingness to act without expectation, and to stay anchored in purpose even when things don’t go as planned.

In moments of frustration, I am learning to pause — to look beyond the immediate reaction and consider what someone else might be going through. A gentle reminder that every interaction carries a story I may not see.

And perhaps most importantly, I am learning that building community is not about grand efforts, but about consistent, quiet acts of inclusion — choosing, again and again, to bring people together.

A reflection for you

• Who is just outside your circle — someone who could be included, invited, or seen?

• What changes when you begin to live not just for yourself, but with others in mind?

• And what might your life look like if your actions were guided less by expectation, and more by intention?

Some people don’t just find belonging.They create it — wherever they go.